I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
