I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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