I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
