Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she looked like the before picture.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
