i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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