Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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