i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
