he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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