Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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