no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
