...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
