me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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