that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
