dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
