i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm getting married
To pizza
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
