im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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