If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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