Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
