Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
