I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
