Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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