cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
