normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
