You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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