My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
