we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
