I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
