She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
