This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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