Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
