I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
