I don't usually arrange sex via text message
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
