What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
