I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
