I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
