when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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