I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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