No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
