if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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