cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
