So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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