my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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