We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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