i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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