ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
