In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
