"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Enjoy the penises
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
