Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
