I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize