he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
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I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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