know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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