Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize