Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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