Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
