Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
