I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
