sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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