my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
