The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
