i was born a porn star she said
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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