yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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