I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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