Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
