Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
