I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
