I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
