WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude i'm inner monologue high
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
