I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
