The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
