Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
