UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
