whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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